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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980784">ten seconds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Triggers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:48:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>728</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>National Suicide Hotline (US): 1-800-273-8255</p><p>Suicide is a sensitive subject for most. Those that are suicidal should seek help, wherever they are. Ten seconds is not enough time for someone as important as you!</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ten seconds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I read somewhere that the average human brain has about 86 billion neurons, making way for trillions of connections. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's why I was always so annoyed with how artists and the media portrayed mind reading; they acted like the mind was a book and thoughts are sentences and pictures. Complete and coherent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I look down into the choppy water below me. The wind blows and I feel my body sway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even now, with my body and mind unfeeling, a mind-reader would have a hard time understanding my trillions of connections. Feelings, colors, memories, emotions, speech, expression- the presence and combinations of which change within the blink of an eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, reading the mind is nothing like reading a book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I look up to the sky. It's dark. Only a few stars are showing. I wonder if I couldn't see more because it was cloudy or because of the light pollution from the city behind was blotting them out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I inch forward until my toes peek over the ledge and look back down at the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thousand feet. Ten seconds. That is my distance from the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most would be scared of the water but I am scared of the distance. But not scared enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wind blows again but I don't feel it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything is spinning. I feel like I'm being pushed from all directions. My stomach is clenched and my toes are curled. The only thing I am sure of is how fast I am going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tock</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wind buffets my face, arms, legs. My hair whips around me, stinging my eyes and cheeks, getting into my mouth. It sounds like a hundred flags are flapping all around me, filling my ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I somehow orient myself and see the stars above me. The season is summer but I'm cold, very cold. My stomach won't unclench. But I now see the light of the city. I think it's the light pollution, not the clouds, that are blocking the stars. I'm glad light pollution doesn't impact my view of the moon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tock</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> I've never seen the bridge from the angle. I see a car at the entrance of the bridge, about to cross. The speed limit is 25, but everyone goes 40 or 50. The car doesn't seem like it's going that fast, though. It doesn't even seem to be going 25. Why is it going so slow? Or am I just going fast?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can't hear anything anymore but I don't remember when I stopped hearing. Growing up I was always scolded because my "whisper voice" was too loud, even when it seemed quiet to me. It wasn't until years later that a friend of mine pointed out that I might have hearing problems, that's why I thought I was being quiet when actually I was being loud. I never had my hearing tested, but I think she was right. I do have a hearing problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I told my roommate I was going on a walk. I'm sure she wondered why I was going out so late, but I've gone on late walks before so it wasn't that unusual. She asked if I wanted to watch a movie when I got back. I didn't want to watch a movie, but I didn't tell her that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tock</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn't a lie, though, when I told her I was going on a walk. And I did plan on coming back. The fear of the water always brought me back but tonight… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How long would my roommate wait until she begins to wonder where I am? Who would she call when I didn't pick up? My family? The police? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tock</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think of my family. My friends. The police. My therapist. I never texted my therapist back about when I'm available to meet with her again. Who would she call, when too much time passes without a response from me? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tick</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air gets cold. I am close to the water. It was easy to not fear the water on the bridge but now… do I fear it now? I don't know. I can't think straight, I can't figure out how I'm feeling. All that comes to mind is that despite the billions of neurons that make trillions of connections in the blink of an eye, ten seconds really isn't that much time at</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tock.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>National Suicide Hotline (US): 1-800-273-8255</p><p>Suicide is a sensitive subject for most. Those that are suicidal should seek help, wherever they are. Ten seconds is not enough time for someone as important as you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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